I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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