the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
