My friends, they love my intelligence
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
