she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
