So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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