my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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