Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I checked into jail on foursquare
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
