i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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