What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
