Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
