Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
