I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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