turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize