everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
