that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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