On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
