9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
