One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
