Whod you bang
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
