Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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