Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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