well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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