dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
