Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize