the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
