I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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