I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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