I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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