I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
