3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
