Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
