i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
