talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
