Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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