you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
