if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
