tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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