why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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