Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
