I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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