Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
