I wanna passion pit in your ass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
