there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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