The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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