the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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