Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
