I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
