I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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