3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
