its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
