Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
