i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
