LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
