hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
