Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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