She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He better not be in your backpack
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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