put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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