That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
