Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize