You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
