I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
