Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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