Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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