Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
