Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
