explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
