his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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