There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
