Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
