In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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