I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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